"I understood all the words. They were new and made sense. That's why the past was the past. That's why, if everything changes and wears out, then loves also fade away. You should know I'll look for your heart if you take it somewhere else. I'll look for your soul in the cold, in the flame. I 'll cast a spell on you, so that you love me still. You shouldn't have started, attracted me, touched me. I shouldn't have given so much, I don't know how to play. People tell me that today that's how other women do things. But I'm not any other women. Before we get too close, before we throw it away, You should know I'll look for your heart if you take it somewhere else. I'll look for your soul in the cold, in the flame. I'll cast a spell on you, so that you love me still. I'll find other languages to sing your praises. I'll pack our bags for the fields of eternal harvests. I'll say those magic words spoken by African healers. I'll say them with no regrets, so that you love me still. I'll make myself a queen so that you don't leave me. I'll make myself new so the fire starts again. I'll become like those other women who make you happy. Your games will be our games, if that's what you desire. I'll make myself brighter, more beautiful, to rekindle the spark. I'll turn myself to gold, so that you love me still."

Friday, June 15, 2012

Did you say Pathetic?

Social Networks are fun… at the beginning; and if you take them for what they are: an immense playground for grown-ups who can pretend to be who they are not and fool every credulous people they encounter. Being one of these credulous people, I find it really hard now to handle it.

I think I encountered every asshole you can find on the net. They are mostly men, but there are some women too.

I always lived a much protected life, surrounded by people who, when they said they cared for me, really meant it. Of course, I met untrustworthy people. I was not THAT protected. But when you have that person face to face, it's easier to tell if they are sincere or not. Social Network can't do that.

I had numerous people (mostly men, I admit it) who swore to me that they were my friend, and talked to me for a certain time, then completely ignore and even deleted me. Either because I didn’t give them what they were waiting for, or because they found somebody more...interesting than me. It hurt me every time. I should be used to it by now, but I’m not. I still believe that people mean what they say. How foolish is that?

Then there are those who need me. For any reason. But they need me. So they talk to me when they need something, then can go without talking to me at all for some time. Until they need me again. Oh and don’t forget the women… Most of the time, they talk to me because they want to know my relation with a certain man. They are jealous and want him for themselves. When they find out that there’s nothing between us, they stop talking with me. Not interesting anymore…again.

And I’m falling for it every time…again. Does that make me pathetic? Yes, definitely.  

There’s a reason why I’m writing all this. It’s therapeutic. No one will read it, but I’ll feel better anyway. I just want to be strong enough to leave this stupid Facebook (of course I was talking about Facebook, isn’t it obvious). It used to be funny, lots of interaction. Now, it’s only promoting, either their books or their blogs. After a while, you can't find anything more to say beside “great, congrats,” so you just stop commenting altogether. And you don’t feel like posting anything either, because, be realistic, no one gives a shit. So why stay? I’m asking myself this question every day. I didn’t find an answer yet. If I ever find one, I’ll let you know.